The B-Masters Cabal

Calling the SyFy Network (again)….

kbegg — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:33:11 +0000

Seriously, those morons can’t do anything interesting with this plethora of riches?

Ant mega-colony takes over world.

Jabootu correspondent Eric Belzer sends this important update

Creatures from the Sewer

And just in time for the SyFy Network to rip off a major upcoming movie

MegaPirahna!

Go, you heroic G-men, go!

Nathan Shumate — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:57:21 +0000

When was the last time that the FBI was presented as (a) entirely competent, and (b) scrupulously upright? You may have to go all the way back to F.B.I. Girl (1951) for an example.

I got that itching in my palms…

Nathan Shumate — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 03:48:26 +0000

…so instead of doing anything productive, I changed the theme. Because the only time you see this Mormon drunk is when he’s drunk with power!

The good news is, your dates are here. The bad news is, your DVD cover sucks.

Nathan Shumate — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:50:33 +0000

As previously announced with great joy, Night of the Creeps is finally getting a DVD release from Sony this year. Amazon.com is inviting the public to vote for one of the following DVD covers:

Excuse me, but What. The. Hell.

The original theatrical poster, which was used for the VHS box, is remembered fondly by the fans of this movie — you know, the people they want to buy this thing:

There were a couple of other designs at the time, too:

…any of which is better than the current proposed design, which look like they’re for a different movie entirely which just happens to have the same name.

Unless Sony backtracks and uses one of the classic designs, I’m gonna have to print one of the original posters and swap out the DVD cover art. It’s just that bad.

Megalodon’t, or: what most “SyFy” movies are like

Braineater — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:54:50 +0000

I’ll never forget the look on my dog’s face when one of our guests at a barbecue fed her a veggie burger when she was expecting the real thing. That, and the ptoo! that followed.

I bring this up because it’s so close to my reaction to Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus. Never judge a film by its trailer!

Why aren’t more ‘Syfy’ movies like this?

kbegg — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:20:17 +0000

Something’s cooking with Baker!

Greywizard — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:21:33 +0000

The movie is Framed. The star is Joe Don Baker. Do I have to say any more? (Well, yeah, I did also write a full-length review of the movie that I hope you’ll read, but you know what I mean.)

“Authenticity” is not a municipality in China.

Nathan Shumate — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:00:17 +0000

The quickest way to describe Mask of the Dragon (1951), a cheap Chinatown-flavored suspense thriller, is this: You know you’re scraping the bottom when Lyle Talbot is your most accomplished cast member.

(That’s not him in the picture.)

Mooned by Dara Singh

KeithA — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:07:28 +0000

TRIP TO MOON
It appears that what these apparent scientist types are doing is plotting out some kind of a moon landing, but they are soon distracted from that task by a flash outside the window. One of the scientists wanders off to investigate, and is soon greeted by a bewitching melody sung by a ghostly female voice, wafting toward him as if carried on the bitter mountain winds. Soon the voice is given unlikely form in the shape of a woman in a bejeweled floor-length gown, shoulder-length lace gloves and a tiara, who proceeds to perform a fairly standard Bollywood item number while lithely prancing about the craggy, blizzard-swept landscape. This mildly surreal sequence ends when the old professor, having completely fallen under this siren’s spell, is suddenly confronted with her true form: that of a cackling, helmeted spacewoman in a mini-dress, leggings, and high-top sneakers. Soon thereafter, a gang of thuggish moon minions appear and hustle the fellow into a waiting flying saucer, which then shakily takes off toward the heavens.

Fasten your seatbelts, pilgrims…

lyzard — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 11:06:24 +0000

THE HIGH AND THE MIGHTY (1954)

Well, here it is, folks: the first honest-to-God modern disaster movie, brought to you by the Duke himself.

Halfway between Hawaii and San Francisco, a commercial airliner loses a propeller, suffering engine damage and the loss of critical fuel in the process. Over time, it becomes increasingly clear that the incapacitated plane may not be able to reach its intended destination. As the passengers reflect upon their lives, their fate is in the hands of two men: an older pilot whose stoic demeanour masks a tragic past, and a younger one suffering from a crippling case of nerves.

(I’ll leave it to the rest of you to look at that screenshot and figure out which is which.)