Your Best Choices in Bad Movie Entertainment: Now Corrupting a Whole New Generation!
CAPTAIN BLOOD
Watching Flynn in this role, it’s hard to believe this is his first time as a leading man. He handles the role with astounding proficiency. It is impossibly not to cheer for Captain Blood, and the script provides Flynn ample opportunity to deliver stirring speeches about freedom and tyranny, punctuated by scenes of guys [...]
ARABIAN ADVENTURE
Lyz said of Arabian Adventure, “It is hard to imagine any but the least discriminating of viewers — of any age — really enjoying this film.” And I can’t really debate her on this matter. Instead, about all I can do is admit that it has been my goal to live the sort of [...]
Let’s play “guess the production company,” okay?
It’s a mixed cast of attractive twenty-something unknowns…
They’re confined to a single location…
Something supernatural is after them…
And the supernatural something involves legalistic rituals and rules the require a flowchart.
Still don’t have it? Final clue: Directed by David DeCoteau, written by Benjamin Carr.
That’s right! Although I have reviewed what seems [...]
…It just kind of turned out that way.
The Black Sleep (1956), in which Le Borg is just a little too early to take advantage of the late-50’s resurgence of gothic horror…
Calling Dr. Death (1943), in which Le Borg’s most determinedly noir-ish efforts are simply not enough to overcome one of the dumbest ostensible mystery scripts in creation…
Things [...]
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: an enormous animal unexpectedly kills a young woman. Other attacks follow, including one on a little boy. A law enforcement officer teams up with a cynical war veteran and an eccentric naturalist in an attempt to put a stop to the killing. Meanwhile, local authorities hamper their efforts because of fear [...]
THE PHANTOM OF SOHO
So for the past month or so, I have been almost entirely unable to sleep properly, averaging about three hours a night. I have used that time in a variety of constructive ways which include working on a book, writing Teleport City reviews, watching movies, reading history books, and playing Wii Sports [...]
Wings of Danger (1952) does feature an ex-pat American pilot in Britain suspecting that his small cargo airline employer is involved in some shady business, but that really doesn’t compare. I’m sorry. Mid-’50s drive-in suspense B-flick producers just didn’t know from REAL entertainment, did they?
Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.
TAHALKA
The lines between good and evil in Bollywood movies tend to be pretty broadly drawn, but never so broadly, it seems, as when the great Amrish Puri was cast as the villain. Deep of the voice, wild of the eye, and massive of the brow, Puri, though a versatile actor who played many diverse roles [...]
I’m kicking off another marathon “Netflix Diary” adventure, wherein I review everything that comes to me via Netflix — good for forcing me to review outside my comfort zone and diversify the contents of Teleport City. Although our first film, A Hammer Studios pirate film with guys dressed up in skeleton suits, hardly finds us [...]
You know, I really didn’t intend to follow up my examination of a Turkish Exorcist rip-off with an examination of an American Exorcist rip-off; but there I was, all alone in the house one night with my DVD player, and suddenly this strange force overcame me, and….and….
Aw, hell.
ABBY (1974)
Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind [...]
Phenomenal and the Treasure of Tutankhamen
Most of the heroes and villains of fumetti did not possess super powers. They simply liked dressing up in outlandish body stockings and kicking people in the head. Needless to say, the combination of gratuitous sex appeal in the form of various Eurobabes slinking around in mod 60s mini-wear, [...]
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Planetfall demonstrates the incredible tools available to no-budget indie filmmakers to realize densely-layered visions. But all of the desktop FX software in the world can’t rescue a story that’s lacking.
Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.
Tony Falcon, Agent X-44: Last Target
The road that lead me to Tony Falcon was a somewhat long and circuitous one. It began when I was watching the third Christopher Lee Fu Manchu movie and found my attention drawn to the actor Tony Ferrer, who was playing the fairly substantial supporting role of Shanghai Police [...]
Suddenly, Red Ryder looks a whole lot different (because he’s played by Allan Lane), and he’s part of a passel of homesteaders seeking cheap land in the west. I’d tell you more, but come on — Homesteaders of Paradise Valley (1947) is a short enough movie that if I told you much here, there’d [...]
This time from Japan…
GOLDEN BAT
Golden Bat is in many ways typical of the type of films Sonny Chiba appeared in before he became an international action star. Under a long term contract with Toei Studios, he racked up an impressive slate of low budget B movies during the sixties, a good number of kiddie-themed science [...]
R-Point
R-Point is a decent entry in the war-horror film, creating many incredibly effective scenes but ultimately proving to be a bit of a disappointment because it’s almost a great film, which is often worse than just being a bad film. This is one of those movies that just needed one more revision of the script [...]
It takes more than the flu to put me down. Hell, it takes more than a brain stem stroke. Which means that a chunky wanna-be Max Schreck wandering around Romania trying to be the Angel of Death in Talisman (1998), yet another late ’90’s Full Moon production, really doesn’t send me screaming, you know? That’s [...]
Dharem-Veer
Dharam-Veer is a movie designed to thrill, and it succeeds on all of the intended levels, as well as on many levels that probably weren’t so intentional. In addition to the thrill of watching its spectacular musical numbers and beautiful stars, there is the singular thrill that comes from seeing combinations of color and fabric [...]
Don
For much of the film, Don alternates between more modern dress — slick slim-cut suits, hooded sweatshirts, and so on — and an array of garish shirts from the “Amitabh ‘78″ collection. But the crowning achievement is the innovation of the “inner tie,” a brightly colored tie worn around one’s bare neck rather than [...]
New stuff at 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting:
The Mad Genius (1931), in which the deja vu may actually give you seizures if you’ve already seen Svengali…
The Serpent’s Tale (1993), in which there are vampires and ancient scrolls and a loony cult and an evil multinational corporation and an insurance fraud scam, and it all kind of makes [...]