Archive for category Hoopla

Thud & Blunder

It’s Roundtable month again, folks! This time around we’re taking a look at prehistory according to the B-movies, at tales of those times back when the earth was populated by Neanderthals, or by barbarians, or by conquerors, or by warrior princesses, or by evil overlords with hokey powers (conveyed by hokier special effects)…or by all of them at once. From cavemen to Conan, from swords to sorcerors, from fur bikinis to chain-mail brassieres, you’ll find it all here!

It’s 10,000 B.S. – all throughout the month of February at the B-Masters’ Blog!

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

Exercising my time zone privileges…

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…on behalf of my colleagues, to wish all of our visitors to this blog, whether they be chatty or silent, a very happy New Year. Thank you one and all for your support – it is very much appreciated!

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

Picking at My Scabs

Well, once again, I got restless and redesigned Teleport City. A couple years ago, I split all the travel, book, and music stuff off into a separate site. At the time it seemed like a good idea. It wasn’t. So it’s back. And of course, all sorts of older articles are broken, but at least I didn’t have to rewrite every single link. Plus, Jenny Agutter now stares at yo invitingly from the top of the page.

We also reviewed CHRISTMAS EVIL.
1980’s Christmas Evil is, I believe, the first of the Killer Santa Claus movies, which is odd if true. Used properly, Santa can be almost as creepy as a clown or a ventriloquist dummy, yet is sadly underutilized in popular culture. Maybe Santa is still too powerful a symbol. Luckily, maverick writer/director Lewis Jackson decided to blaze a trail by creating one of the first psychotic movie Santa Clauses, opening the floodgates for killer leprechauns, Uncle Sams, and perhaps, one day, cupids.

Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.

It’s a very special Roundtable…

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FLASHBACK—-

It was the mid-1990s. The internet was more than just a gleam in Al Gore’s eye, but only just. It was a time when hour-long page downloads were barely even irritating; a time of getting lost in the cul-de-sacs of Geocities; and a time when the line, “It’s a UNIX system! I know this!” in Jurassic Park didn’t necessarily provoke a groan from the audience.

It was also the time when the appreciation of marginal cinema came into its own. B-movie websites sprang up like mushrooms; but it was not long before a handful of them separated themselves from the pack.

These webmasters and their works, the depth and breadth of their knowledge, their unabashed obsessiveness and perhaps above all their sense of humour would set a glorious example to those who would aspire to follow in their footsteps: Alan Gallauresi and Rob Trevino of Oh, The Humanity; Scott Hamilton and Christopher Holland of Stomp Tokyo; Kenneth Richard Begg of Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension (which started life as Ken’s World Of Awful Movies); and Freeman Williams, aka Dr Freex, of The Bad Movie Report.

In those days, giants walked the earth.

And even as the experts were decrying the “de-socialisation” supposedly caused by the internet, lovers of weird and wonderful movies were making new friends and enjoying an unprecedented sense of community. Inspired by the examples before them, others would found their own B-movie websites and bring their own peculiar perspectives to the reviewing table. It was not long before these webmasters, scattered all over the world, were corresponding by e-mail, coming together in an unofficial kind of mutual admiration society.

And then one day, one of them had an idea: suppose they came officially together? Why not hold a Roundtable, in which each of the participating sites reviewed the same movie? After some back-and-forthing, seven websites agreed to tackle the 1957 schlock masterpiece, The Brain From Planet Arous.

It was November, 1999. The event was dubbed BRAINATHON ‘99. It was the birth of the B-Masters’ Cabal…

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FLASHFORWARD—-

It is now November, 2009: our 10-year anniversary; and to celebrate, our member websites have again come together to wreak terrible vengeance upon a single, unfortunate movie. And not only is the occasion marked by the rare – unique? – participation of every single member site, but we have also succeeded in luring back to the fold the man whose suggestion started it all, way back in 1999: Andrew Borntreger of Badmovies.org. This time, the film in question is William Grefé’s drive-in non-classic, Sting Of Death.

Welcome, one and all, to STINGATHON ‘09!!

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Click the banner to do the jilla-jalla-jellyfish with the B-Masters’ Cabal!

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

Arkham Tales #4 now available.

The fourth issue of Arkham Tales, the PDF magazine of weird fiction, is now available for FREE download.  Just click here to have all of your nightmares come true.

Also please take a moment to answer the poll found here and help determine the future of Arkham Tales.

Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.

The Cold Fusion Media Empire adds a new protectorate.

You know him and love him as a frequent commenter here on the B-Masters blog; now you can see Blake Matthews’ kung fu movie review site, It’s a Beautiful Film Worth Fighting For, in its new home at ColdFusionVideo.com.

Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.

If you live around Vandergrift, PA…

…then you suck and I hate you.

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Ken Begg is the proprietor of Jabootu: The Bad Movie Dimension.

Mea maxima culpa

Confession may be good for the soul, but it can be bad for the public image. While our loyal readers may think of us as the font of all b-movie knowledge – no, no! don’t bother to pretend! – the fact is that sometimes we’re just…well, winging it. But no more! For our next Roundtable, we B-Masters will be risking our reputations, baring our souls, and publically ‘fessing up to some of the more embarrassing gaps in our resumes.

Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

Poe, you are reviewed!

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For the latest installment of That Was Then, This Is Now, Chad Denton, Zack Handlen and myself try something a little different, examing how film-makers from three distinct eras in the history of cinema went about the problem of bringing to the screen that most idiosyncratic of writers, Edgar Allan Poe. 

We also discuss Poe’s writing generally, look at how well (or not) our films reflect their sources, and have a chat about cinema’s apparently irrestible urge to turn Poe into one of his own fictions.

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Edgar Allen Poe (1909) at And You Call Yourself A Scientist!

The Avenging Conscience (1914) at And You Call Yourself A Scientist!

The Raven (1915) at And You Call Yourself A Scientist!

The Premature Burial (1962) at The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Black Cat (2007) at The Duck Speaks

And The Conversation
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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

Bootleg beef!

In Tough Assignment (1949), a news reporter and his photographer wife go undercover to get the story on a cattle rustling ring that’s been strong-arming the local butchers to buy their bootleg beef.

No, seriously, that’s the premise.

And in unrelated matters, please see this blog post: What should I do with ZombieMart?

Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.

We can only hope it will be half as glorious as PLAN 9

Apparently John Wayne shot some scenes for a movie prior to his death in 1979, which is finally going to receive a DVD release.

“If science fiction western seems like an unusual genre, that’s because it is. Thunder Riders of the Golden West, is a movie set in modern times and tells the story of cowboy truckers who hit the trail in search of $3 million worth of gold in the middle of an atomic bomb test.”

Freeman Williams is the almost-absentee landlord of The Bad Movie Report.

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Calling the SyFy Network (again)….

Seriously, those morons can’t do anything interesting with this plethora of riches?

Ant mega-colony takes over world.

Jabootu correspondent Eric Belzer sends this important update

Creatures from the Sewer

And just in time for the SyFy Network to rip off a major upcoming movie

MegaPirahna!

Ken Begg is the proprietor of Jabootu: The Bad Movie Dimension.

Why aren’t more ‘Syfy’ movies like this?

Ken Begg is the proprietor of Jabootu: The Bad Movie Dimension.

Tachyon City: The mystery is revealed!

Ta-dah! The unveiling:

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Tachyon City Retro-Futuristic Cinema offers movies which have fallen out of distribution since their initial release on VHS (or in some cases, without even that distribution). For years, movies like this were fodder for bootleggers, who offered dubs or DVD-Rs for outrageous sums. But now, you can download these movies for free!

The initial offering includes Mind Warp (1990), The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978), Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985), Moontrap (1989), Untamed Women (1952), and more! New titles will be added at least one per week!

Did I mention that it’s FREE?

Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.

We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin…

Zombies are roaming Texas. I am not making this up: it is absolutely true. Actual Maggot-ridden Zombies Are Roaming Texas. An insect parasite lays eggs in its host, and when the larvae hatch, they eat away the host’s brain, causing it to shamble aimlessly — literally mindlessly — for about two weeks. Then the host’s head falls off… and the parasites emerge to infect new hosts. What’s more, the Government has a hand in the spread of the parasite. Didn’t you always just know this is how things would happen?

I guess it might come as a bit of an anticlimax to reveal that the zombies aren’t human: they’re ants. And the Government involvement is merely USDA approval of the parasites as a natural anti-pest tool.

Nevertheless, I can smell a SyFy Orijinul Moovy (Black Swarm II: Entomological Boogaloo?) already being made…

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.

It’s that time again…

Time for another B-Masters Cabal roundtable!  This time, we delve into the relatively little-explored world of counterculture exploitation– movies about hippies, bikers, beatniks, punk rockers, neo-pagans, and anybody else in youthful rebellion against whatever you’ve got…  to say nothing of the squares and finger-waggers trying to put them down!  We’ll be turning on, tuning in, shooting up, and rocking out all throughout the month of May.

 

 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to LA

stillworkingAs a lead-in to the Los Angeles United Film Festival, there will be a special screening of JAWS at 9.30pm, 30th April, at the Vista Theater.

The festival itself will host the world premiere of THE SHARK IS STILL WORKING, Erik Hollander’s documentary tribute to the impact and legacy of JAWS. The doco will screen throughout the festival, but tickets are selling fast (first screenings sold out). More details here.

Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

No, it’s not an update.

One of those’ll be coming along in a day or two, though, so you can just hold your horses on that one.  No, this post is about SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION!  Specifically, I’m here to tout the much-belated release of Thrilling Wonder Stories, Volume 2.  You might find that odd at first brush, but if you look closely in among all the gloriously unapologetic wiz-bangy short fiction, both old and new, you’ll find a little column called “The Televisualizer.”  That’s my column, wherein you’ll find a trio of DVD reviews that have never appeared at 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting, nor ever will in this exact form.  The Thrilling Wonder Stories web-store is selling the book for a substantial discount under the intended retail price, so you should all click over and buy one.  If enough people do that, there might even be a volume 3 one of these days…

Thrilling Wonder Stories, Volume 2

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.

A Li’l Bit o’ This ‘n’ That

No full reviews this week (or last, right?), but TC did crank out a few Shrimp Chips for y’alls amusement.

Ypotron — Psychedelic Eurospy adventure!
Con Licencia Para Matar – Catsuits and bikinis, go-go dancing and espionage from Mexico
Dead Space: Downfall – animated film prequel to a video game. Zombies in space.
Love and Murder -Another Bollywood addition to our growing “Guys Dressed Up As Skeletons” collection.

In the Hoopla category…
All the old Leisure, Music, and book review material from Teleport City has found (or will) a new home of its own: Jet Set Tramp is the new place for what I’m looking at as a site about travel, adventure, food, spirits, and entertainment written about from the point of view of nerds who don’t have a whole lot of money. It seems every travel site is either for rich people, crusty hippies, or families, so with any luck, Jet Set Tramp will be an alternative.

Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.

Arkham Tales #2 now available.

Once a quarter isn’t too often to do some self-promotion that isn’t related to movies, is it? (If it is, just keep it to yourself.)

I wish to announce that, after long labor, issue #2 of Arkham Tales is available for free download, either web-optimized or designed for booklet printing — just pull out your handy-dandy saddle stapler, and you’re ready to go!

Download the new issue (or the previous issue) right here.

Nathan Shumate is the proprietor of Cold Fusion Video Reviews.