Betcha can’t guess what the secret is!

Anyway.  I saw this bandied about on industry messageboards for a couple of years, always a laughingstock, and always with some lame key art.  I had hoped that, if ever it got a for-real distributor, they’d find some way to market it better.

They didn’t.

No, the director’s last name isn’t “Hayden’s,” or even “Haydens.”  It’s “Hayden.”  Why the possessive?  THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX, MAN!  THAT’S THE NATURE OF ART!!

Edit: Oh, and someone with the coincidental name of “Taylor” posted this in a five-star review on the Amazon page:

People making a movie find a curse is with it.Everything goes horribly wrong…in a horrible way. With Jael from “Americas Nxt Top Model” and Isabelle from Bravos “Make Me A Suprmodel”. To watch a preview go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUKNxHJf1uw

Somebody else look. I’m scared to.

You look in vain for some sign that, maybe, it’s one of those charming mistranslations of something that makes perfect sense in its native tongue (usually Japanese).  But no.  They just ran out of good titles.

I understand how impoverished a microbudget production is.  Really I do.  But snapping pics on the set with your cell phone still isn’t nearly as good as having a real production photographer. Honest.

(What?  You want to see the horror cover that was the runner-up?  Fine. Click here.)

I’m not sure if it’s “the most disturbing film of 2010,” but it’s definitely a contender for the worst DVD cover. Want some more info? Here’s what Amazon says “about the director:”

William E Cheney. As a Director is known for pushing the envelope for new original scripts and the cutting edged look of his films.

The mind boggles.

(And what’s that diagonal legend across the lower half? “Trial Version – www.AudioLabel.com.” That’s right, they couldn’t even spring for the full program, $29.95, before they shipped.)

Two friends are spending a week, day/night crossing London inside a black cab and reading a science fiction book. In the story their imagination is so powerful that they are able to become the characters from the book and re-create new and better realities around them in 3D and in blue.

But mostly in blue:

Also note:

This product is manufactured on demand using DVD-R recordable media.

I’m really, really surprised.

Note: If you’ve made your video cover in PhotoShop in less than three minutes, you could probably afford to spend a little more time on it.

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Yes! Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!

More when I can think a little more coherently (and I’m not about to walk out the front door).

Okay, where was I? Ah, yes: it has just been announced that Warners will FINALLY be releasing The Green Slime. The good news—hell, great news is that it will be anamorphic widescreen; the bad news is, it’s through the Archive Collection.

Given how long many of us having been hanging out for this, it may seem ungrateful to pick this moment to complain, but – I am finding myself increasingly annoyed with the implication that while fans of other sorts of films need proper releases, it’s okay to make horror and science fiction fans put up with overpriced DVD-Rs. And they know how badly we want this: it’s priced five dollars higher than its fellow releases, Antonio Margheriti’s The Wild, Wild Planet and War Of The Planets, which will also be anamorphic widescreen. All three will be “out in time for Halloween”.

And yes, of course I’ll be buying them all. Sigh.

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That’s right.  Fill the front of the DVD cover with text in the worst font known to man.  It’s a comicsansapalooza!

(If you want a closer view of the madness, you can use the zoom feature on the Amazon listing here.)