Know how to make your DVD cover sucky?  Really, really sucky?  Sucky beyond all previous conceptions of suckiness?

That’s right.  Fill the front of the DVD cover with text in the worst font known to man.  It’s a comicsansapalooza!

(If you want a closer view of the madness, you can use the zoom feature on the Amazon listing here.)

This cover may not be as bad as the first two installments in this occasional series… but on the other hand, it might.

No description at Amazon, but do you really need one?

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Details are so far sketchy, but Synapse Films has acquired the US rights to three long-MIA Hammer films, TWINS OF EVIL, VAMPIRE CIRCUS, and my personal fave, HANDS OF THE RIPPER. The company has also snabbled the 13 episode TV show HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR, which will be issued as a box set. At the moment a September release date looks likely, but there’s no definite word yet. The three feature films may be released in Blu-Ray as well as on DVD, and lots of extras are promised. Stay tuned.

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April looks like being an expensive month.

The next Columbia “Icons” box set that was promised midway through last year – “Icons Of Suspense”, a collection of six thrillers from Hammer -  is now tentatively slated for an April release; more details as they come to hand. This set collects Joseph Losey’s These Are The Damned (finally!), Cash On Demand (Pete! Yes!), Maniac, Never Take Sweets From A Stranger (aka Never Take Candy From A Stranger), The Snorkel and The Full Treatment (aka Stop Me Before I Kill). Once again, there is a chance to vote for your preferred cover art from the three choices shown above; the link is here.

Everyone’s probably heard this, but it’s worth repeating: Shout! Factory and New Horizons Pictures are remastering a range of Roger Corman productions. Those with confirmed release dates are Piranha (Special Edition), Humanoids From The Deep and Up From The Depths/Demon Of Paradise (double-disc) in April, and Piranha (Special Edition) (Blu-Ray), Rock ‘n’ Roll High School (Special Edition) (DVD and Blu-Ray) and Suburbia in May. Other titles listed to follow include Death Race 2000, Deathsport, Forbidden World and Galaxy Of Terror.

And in an astonishing – and astonishingly welcome – piece of news, Shout! Factory will also be remastering and releasing all eight of the “Showa” Gamera films. It is not clear yet whether these releases will include both the Japanese and American versions, but they may, at least by inference: Shout! is still trying to get hold of Gammera The Invincible, to which  Kadokawa Pictures (the licensor) does not own the rights. Stay tuned for more details.

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In the wake of the Warner Bros. Archive Collection, it now seems that Universal are taking a similar tack to get some of their more obscure genre films into the market. First up, available either for individual purchase or as a box set, are House Of Horrors (1946), The Mad Ghoul (1943), The Mad Doctor Of Market Street (1942), The Strange Case Of Dr Rx (1942), and – hallelujah! – Murders In The Zoo (1933). I guess I’ll finally be able to do something about those screenshots.

In related news, Warners have finally opened up their online store to overseas customers, although their shipping costs are essentially prohibitive. However, all of the Warners and Universal discs are available through the Turner Classic Movies store (as are some RKO films; so far no genre entries, though); and they now seem to be available through Amazon, as well. So shop around.

Edited to add:  After an earlier disappointment, we now have a new release date for the long-awaited (well…long-awaited by me) Special Edition of John Bud Cardos’s Kingdom Of The Spiders. Coming from Shout! Factory on 19th January next year, this release will include a new interview with William Shatner, plus a commentary by Cardos and others and a featurette on Jim Brockett, the production’s spider-wrangler.

On 1st December, Shout! Factory will also be releasing Volume XVI of MST3K, containing The Corpse Vanishes, Warrior Of The Lost World, Night Of The Blood Beast and (just in time for Christmas) Santa Claus. The first pressing will also contain a Tom Servo figurine.

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Remember that really really really lame “horror” DVD cover?  I think I’ve found its rival.

The description for Gravestoned from the official site:

FINALLY. A HORROR FILM FOR STONERS.

Shark and Coltrane, two out-of-work pot farmers really want to break into the movie business. So they chainsaw a cadaver’s arm off and use the severed arm as a prop in a horror film. Now they have to survive a night in the graveyard with a cadaver zombie that wants his arm back! Pot smoking slacker gravediggers, a movie goddess (Lar Park Lincoln, Friday the 13th Part 7), an obsessed movie mogul, a cadaver salesman, hot cheerleaders who may be exotic dancers, a redneck who would love to grill a severed arm and a horny Scottish Terrier – they’re all here in this over-the-top horror film for stoners that has been called the most ominous use of a severed arm in the history of celluloid

Point #1: Wasn’t Charles Band’s Evil Bong (2006) a horror film for stoners?  Evil Bong 2: King Bong (2009)?  Shrooms (2007)?

Point #2:

How stoned do you have to be to think, “That looks like a good movie”?

The long-awaited day is here.  Generations which have long since slumbered in the dust have looked forward to this time, as if to a new golden age, when their descendants would bask in the life-giving light of the greatest movie ever made, finally release on DVD.

I’m speaking, of course, of Night of the Creeps, which has heretofore been available only as deteriorating ex-rental tapes or as bootlegs copies from late-nite TV.  And because it’s coming both to DVD and Blu-Ray, you’ve got the choice of TWO suck-ass covers!

Me, I plan to find a good large copy of one of the old posters (maybe from here) and photoshop some custom cover art.

Again, from trolling through the new release DVDs at Amazon.com, I think I’ve found the least effective horror DVD cover design of all time.

Here’s the description of Grave Danger:

Beautiful and perky Becky is home alone one dark night watching horror movies on TV when she becomes the victim of a madman terrorizing her with frightening phone calls. Soon, Becky is embroiled in a deadly game of one-upmanship as she and the caller trade titillating and terrifying tales of voodoo-possessed housewives, deadly ventriloquist dummies and omni-present watchers.

Cathy St. George (PLAYBOY VIDEO PLAYMATE REVIEW 2), Vic Martino (THE SOPRANOS) and Kaye Bramblett (SQUEEZE PLAY) star in a chilling, sexy and darkly comic anthology from underground horror maven Jim Haggerty (I DREAM OF DRACULA, THE SLASHER)!

And here’s the cover:

Ooh. Goosebumps.

Today’s the day! Phantasm 2, arguably the best entry in the Phantasm series, hits North American DVD after years of studio wrangling (it was the only of the four Phantasm movies produced with studio backing). $14.99 at Amazon.com, and possibly cheaper at other outlets.

And now, off to do my happy dance…

Update: And while we’re at it:

Bees, and the knees thereof.

Not just the first official American release of Mothra on DVD, but Battle in Outer Space and H-Man as bonuses, all for under $20 (at most vendors). Commentaries, etc.

The only complaint is that Sony seems to like that design now where they mount several discs on a single, elongated spindle. This makes getting one movie out a pain, and increases the likelihood of scratches and such. Still, a pretty fab deal nonetheless.

I think that means that pretty much all the classic Toho dai kaijus are now available here.

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In a fabulous piece of news, on 20th October Sony Pictures Home Entertainment will be releasing The William Castle Film Collection. The set will contain The Tingler, 13 Ghosts, Homicidal, Mr Sardonicus, Strait-Jacket, Zotz!, The Old Dark House and 13 Frightened Girls - as well as the documentary Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story. There will be mountains of bonus material, including two episodes of the Castle-produced TV series Ghost Story.

In more great news, the latest additions to the Warner Archive Collection (an infuriating way of doing it, but least they are doing it) include The Terminal Man (hello-oo-oo, Michael Crichton!), Razorback, the Hammer version of She, From Hell It Came (oh, yeah!), and – YES, YES, YES!!!! – Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark!!!! Quick, everyone! – run out and buy it now, before they release the remake and rape all our childhoods!!

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As previously announced with great joy, Night of the Creeps is finally getting a DVD release from Sony this year. Amazon.com is inviting the public to vote for one of the following DVD covers:

Excuse me, but What. The. Hell.

The original theatrical poster, which was used for the VHS box, is remembered fondly by the fans of this movie — you know, the people they want to buy this thing:

There were a couple of other designs at the time, too:

…any of which is better than the current proposed design, which look like they’re for a different movie entirely which just happens to have the same name.

Unless Sony backtracks and uses one of the classic designs, I’m gonna have to print one of the original posters and swap out the DVD cover art. It’s just that bad.

October 6th will see the release of the Karloff & Lugosi Horror Classics set from Warners. As usual, the word “classic” is being thrown around rather cavalierly, and Bela is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop: the set will include You’ll Find Out, Zombies On Broadway, Frankenstein 1970 and – finally! – The Walking Dead, which has been MIA for far too long.

First Night of the Creeps, and now Phantasm 2 –the OTHER single greatest movie ever made — is slated for a DVD release this Halloween. (source) I love living in the future!

This just in (courtesy DVD Drive-In): on 18th August (squeee!), Sony will be releasing an ICONS OF SCI-FI: TOHO COLLECTION, which will comprise Mothra, The H-Man, and Battle In Outer Space. All three will be in widescreen, and the set will include the Japanese and English-language versions of each.

As with their previous Hammer set, Sony are asking the public to vote for their favourite cover art at Amazon.

I should also mention that (with very little warning) Mondo Macabro will be releasing The Bollywood Horror Collection Volume 3 on 19th May. This will contain Mahakaal, the Bollywood version of A Nightmare On Elm Street, and Tahkhana, about “Two sisters, separated as children, who share the secret of a hidden treasure. Years later, their secret falls into the hands of a bunch of sleazy adventurers. What none of them know is that the treasure is guarded by a hideous monster, animated by the blood of a vengeful black magician.”

In other important news, Criterion have secured the rights to Roman Polanski’s Repulsion; they will be releasing both DVD and BluRay versions, containing a new, restored 1.85 HD digital transfer, a commentary by Polanski and Catherine Deneuve, and documentaries on the film’s production. Release date is 28th July.

Fans of transgressive cinema, take note: today’s the day a small company in Europe is releasing a limited-run, Special Edition 2-disk set of Vase des Noces — better-known by its alternate English title, which is definitely Not Safe for Work (the English title illustrated here, “One Man and his Pig”, is a compromise, apparently on a reversible sleeve… though why any store that would put this movie on its shelves would feel squeamish about a naughty word in the title, I have no idea).

In addition to the feature film, the set contains interviews with the director and star, a making-of documentary, and a booklet with essays by three different critics. The mind boggles.

OK; kudos to Camera Obscura for what is clearly a labor of love; and maybe this is hypocritical for a guy who eats bacon with every meal; but I can’t really endorse a movie that kills pigs for Art.

Hat-tip to Blake Lewis for this information.

When you can all drag your eyes away from Night Of The Creeps, here are a few more DVD releases in the pipeline:

On 5th May, MVD Visual will be unleashing upon us a 2-disc, Director’s Cut edition of the film that that very director once called “The Giant Spider Disaster“. The set will include a director’s commentary and an interview with Bill Rebane.

Lots of Euro-Horror news! On April 28th, Dark Sky Films will be releasing The She-Beast, Michael Reeves’ first film, starring Barbara Steele and Ian Ogilvy. In more Babs-related news, Severin have at long last named a street date for their release of Nightmare Castle: May 19th.

Meanwhile, Mya Communications will be releasing Jorge Grau’s The Legend Of Blood Castle aka The Female Butcher, another version of the Erzsebet Bathory legend, also on May 19th. On 30th June, Mya will also be releasing the original cut of Sergio Martino’s Island Of The Fishmen (surgically altered in the US to become Screamers), and Horrible aka Absurd, the sort-of sequel to the infamous Anthropophagus that re-teams Joe D’Amato and Aristide Massacessi. On July 28th, Blue Underground will be re-releasing two former Anchor Bay releases, Sergio Martino’s Torso aka The Bodies Bear Traces Of Carnal Violence, and The 10th Victim, directed by Elio Petri and starring Ursula Andress and Marcello Mastroianni.

Proving that some people never learn, Sony Pictures will be releasing the fourth entry in the Anaconda franchise, Anacondas: Trail Of Blood, on 2nd June. Tragically, this time around there’s no sign of The Hoff. The same day will also see the release of Fox’s Silent Venom, directed by Fred Olen Ray. Taking a tip from 1974′s Fer-De-Lance, this film gives us snakes on a submarine, and stars Luke Perry and Krista Allen. Genius Products [sic.] will be releasing Sea Beast on 30th June. Featuring mutated angler fish and Corin Nemec (in that order), this ought to be hugely cool, but sadly seems to be just more of your typical SciFi – sorry, SyFy - crap. I include the DVD cover here so that you can all marvel at its stunning lack of originality.

Heartfelt jumping-up-and-down thanks to reader Blake Matthew, who tipped us off to the good news at ShockTilYouDrop.com that the Greatest Movie Ever Made is finally getting a DVD release:

Sony Pictures Home Entertainment is finally getting around to a special edition DVD of Night of the Creeps. Go ahead, read that sentence again. It’s true.

Red Shirt Pictures’ Michael Felsher – who has produced a good deal of terrific genre discs – is spearheading the special features. Here’s what he had to tell Dead Pit Radio: “It is coming out officially for the first time ever. Fred Dekker is already working on it, It’s going to be the director’s cut with the original ending. We’re going to go balls to the wall with the special features on it…I talked to Sony today its official, we’re going ahead and its coming out in October! It’s officially In production…and moving forward, its coming!”

If there were someone to take my money, I would already have this preordered.

Hey, looks what’s out at Amazon.com today!

Who wants to be the first to throw themselves on this particular eldritch grenade and return to tell us the tale?