The B-Masters Cabal

26 Comments

• #1 by hman on May 12th, 2008

  

  When I bought this movie many years ago, my brother, who doesn’t generally like this sort of film, actually was excited to watch it because it was going to be the first film that both of us would ever see in 3-D.

• #2 by KeithA on May 12th, 2008

  

  Truly a giant among bad films. I never get tired of it.

• #3 by Ed on May 12th, 2008

  

  Great job, Liz.

• #4 by lyzard on May 12th, 2008

  

  Well, obviously, Keith, it should have been you going to those double-bills with me, and not my brother.

  Feh. What a wuss!

• #5 by Baron Scarpia on May 13th, 2008

  

  Once more I curse the Gods that there are too many films in the world. No matter how many I watch, more appear out of nowhere demanding my instant attention. It’s enough to make grown men weep, I tells ya…

• #6 by Chadly on May 13th, 2008

  

  You can almost here Tucker yelling “Keep moving! Go, George. GO! You’re still in frame!”

  Love this movie — so right in its wrongness that it transcends to greatness.

• #7 by KeithA on May 13th, 2008

  

  My goal is to visit Australia in 2010, provided Scotland doesn’t bankrupt me this year. I’ll bring the 3D glasses.

• #8 by lyzard on May 13th, 2008

  

  Thank you for the thought, but don’t bother. My eyesight being what it is, I have a deep and abiding hatred of 3-D.

• #9 by lyzard on May 13th, 2008

  

  So, Baron! We meet again! Mwoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! (She said, as her plan to drive the Baron insane by introducing him to all the looniest movies in the world began to bear fruit.)

• #10 by Baron Scarpia on May 14th, 2008

  

  Lyz, I just watched a charming little low budget film called Penetration Angst, one of the three worst films I’ve ever seen in my entire life. In other words, I think I’ve already reached insanity.

• #11 by The Rev. D.D. on May 14th, 2008

  

  I still haven’t seen it.
  And I don’t even have an excuse any more. It’s in that giant 50-pack of “Sci-Fi Classics” I got for Xmas a couple years ago.
  I want to see it. I have every intention to do so.
  And yet I have not done so.

  I am full of shame.

  After reading Lyz’s great review, and rereading Ken’s similarly great review, I hereby resolve to watch it this weekend, come hell or high water, and finally cross it off my “to-watch” list.

  And if I don’t, I’m going to inflict Blood Tide on myself again.
  With no fast forward this time.
  That’ll learn me.

• #12 by lyzard on May 14th, 2008

  

  You know, I can’t help wondering if there’s something peculiar about the air in that cave. First we get Ro-Man molesting a human female, and then, well, look how Gor behaved once he got control of John Agar’s hands.

• #13 by supersonic on May 14th, 2008

  

  Penetration Angst is a blast. Teeth is totally just a cheap ripoff of it.

  Excellent and entertaining review as always, Lz.

• #14 by lyzard on May 14th, 2008

  

  After that double recommendation, it’s on The List.
  (And thanks!)

• #15 by Matthew Fudge on May 15th, 2008

  

  It’s a great cave. I think it also gets some action as penal colony in Star Trek 6…. and no doubt many alien planet appearances in the original.

• #16 by lyzard on May 15th, 2008

  

  “….and if you’ll look to the left, you’ll see the place where Kirk fought the Gorn….”

• #17 by Matthew Fudge on May 16th, 2008

  

  It’s a testament to the buzzing hive of creativity that is hollywood that I can recognise a cave in a place I’ve never been about 6000 miles from where I live….
  “OK everybody this one’s set in the far distance future on a another planet.. suggestions?”
  “How about just over there by the carpark?”

• #18 by The Rev. D.D. on May 16th, 2008

  

  I inflicted it on myself tonight. Whooo, nelly. Painful stuff.
  It was observed that Ro-Man’s constant gesticulations may have been the inspiration for those of Goldar, Rita Repulsa’s henchman on “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.” And perhaps many many professional wrestlers as well.
  Poor George, wandering the desert in that costume. I could never have done it without demanding some cash. I don’t care how good a friend you are, you’re going to need to owe me big time for that little favor…
  And the arm….oh, the arm is absolutely GLORIOUS. I’m not sure about the watch, but I’m certain I saw a shirtsleeve at one point.
  “Oh. My. GOD” indeed.

• #19 by supersonic on May 17th, 2008

  

  Those gesticulations are what happens when you tell someone to act, and he can’t use his face.

  I dig how the voice guy reads the lines not like an actor, but like a radio announcer.

• #20 by Chadly on May 17th, 2008

  

  All apologies to Mr. Shakespeare, but…

  “Hath not a Ro-Man eyes? Hath not a Ro-Man hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same calcinator death-rays, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Hu-Man is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? At what point do these two ideals connect on the graph? Why can this not be in the plan?!? Therefore if we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. We cannot but we must. For if a Ro-Man wrong a Hu-Man, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Hu-Man wrong a Ro-Man, what should his sufferance be by Hu-Man example? Why, revenge; a revenge most indescribable. Fact: the villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. There is no escape from me!”

  – Agent X-J2, “The Merchant of Ro-Man”, Act III Scene I

• #21 by lyzard on May 18th, 2008

  

  Well, that’s another one over the edge….

• #22 by The Rev. D.D. on May 18th, 2008

  

  [b]“I dig how the voice guy reads the lines not like an actor, but like a radio announcer.”[/b]

  “You are tuned in to RMAN easy listening mu-sak. I am the Great Guidance, taking you into the second iteration of your erroneously-calculated ‘rush hour.’ We shall be calculating the traffic of your inferior hu-man earth conveyances as they bring your amusing city to a standstill. Fact: traffic is very slow around Latimer and the I-80 exchange. Fact: there is an accident causing standstills on north I-35. Calculate your chances of getting home before the sun passes the horizon now! Negative. Negative. Negative.
  “Our upcoming program shall include the mu-sak of Enya, John Tesh, and Vanessa Williams. We shall also be giving you a chance to win tickets to the upcoming Sarah MacLachlan concert, to be held at the Quest Arena in 20 rotations. But first, a word from the sponsor of my broadcast, the hu-man product known as Oval-teen…”

• #23 by lyzard on May 18th, 2008

  

  Aaaaaaaaand over goes the Rev.

  You know, I’m starting to feel guilty.

• #24 by supersonic on May 18th, 2008

  

  Guilt… remorse… self-loathing… why are these things not in the plan?

• #25 by Baron Scarpia on May 19th, 2008

  

  I shouldn’t worry, Lyz. We do it to ourselves, you just provide the catalyst…

• #26 by The Rev. D.D. on May 20th, 2008

  

  I was over a loooooooong time ago. I just usually hide it well!

  I planned to inflict this movie way back when I read Mr. Begg’s review.
  Although, I guess you were the catalyst reminding me I had the movie and needed to watch it, so…OK, blame’s on you!

  Anyway, I’d think you’d be glad for all the people going over the edge lately.
  We can keep you company! *ducks and covers*

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