Snored and borecery…
Our readers requested it…and now I hate them all.
Ken Begg is the proprietor of Jabootu: The Bad Movie Dimension.« Pig-Pile of the Living Dead Continues– along with some other stuff…
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Comments
Comment from Matthew Fudge
Time: October 23, 2007, 8:15 am
There’s an episode of Spaced (sitcom by Simon Pegg & Edgar Wright of Shaun of the dead) where the lead character’s boss gets violent whenever someone suggests that Hawk the Slayer is shit. I kind of see Ken going the other way here.
Comment from KeithA
Time: October 23, 2007, 9:23 am
This was by far one of Jack Palance’s best performances.
But who would win in a fight: Hawk the Slayer or Archer Fugitive from the Empire?
Comment from PCachu
Time: October 23, 2007, 10:36 am
They’d both get their hubcaps handed to them by Yor, Hunter from the Future.
Comment from lyzard
Time: October 23, 2007, 2:14 pm
“….Aside from being purely as cinematically exciting as it sounds, this apparently also inspired director John Derek, whose Tarzan the Ape Man came out the year after this. …”
Which reminds me: about two years ago, Ken, you promised me a review of Tarzan The Ape Man - and considering I once reviewed Megaforce because of a casual comment in passing to you, I’m not really inclined to let you off the hook.
Comment from Ken Begg
Time: October 23, 2007, 3:42 pm
Liz –
Uhm, how about just kicking me in the groin? Same result, saves everyone time.
Comment from Blake Matthews
Time: October 23, 2007, 3:58 pm
Hey Ken, do you accept donations of terrible movies to review? If so, I have a good one I could send you.
Comment from JessicaR.
Time: October 24, 2007, 1:35 am
I remember seeing a clip of this and finding out that silly string is a vital part of dark eldritch magick.
Comment from Nathan Shumate
Time: October 24, 2007, 6:26 am
Lord, that was beautiful, Ken. The existence of the movie is justified by the contingent production of your review.
Comment from Ken Begg
Time: October 24, 2007, 7:29 am
Mathematical formula: Ken’s Pain = Reader enjoyment.
You know, I have nightmares now where the film is still running. Voltan escapes and issues a demand to get the gold in three month’s time or else; Hawk begins a long series of flashbacks to his fifth birthday party, when Voltan ate his cake and opened and played with all his toys; Sister Monica was just wounded and recovers to continuing arguing that they should trust Voltan; everyone is somehow tied to pillars or trees and *still* riding around on horses in slow-motion…
Comment from Matthew Fudge
Time: October 24, 2007, 7:55 am
well the poster does threaten that the battle goes on “until the end of time”
Comment from Ken Begg
Time: October 24, 2007, 8:18 am
Yeah, they just forget “locked in deadly [boring] combat to the end of time!”
Still, no false advertising suit there.
Comment from KeithA
Time: October 24, 2007, 11:39 am
If this is all about a test of Ken’s will, I say go full on: Hawk the Slayer, Archer Fugitive from the Empire, and Iron Warrior, the third Ator film — all three of them seem to be cut from the same cloth, thanks to meandering scripts, meandering camera work, listless acting, and freaky Tangerine Dream-meets-Rick Wakeman scores.
Man, now I’m gonna spend this weekend watching these three movies. So have fun at your Halloween parties surrounded by girls in sexy nurse and bee costumes. I’ll be at home, alone, watching Iron Warrior, Archer, and Hawk — AGAIN!
Comment from lyzard
Time: October 24, 2007, 2:04 pm
“….Uhm, how about just kicking me in the groin?…”
I like to think of it as the gift that goes on giving.
Comment from lyzard
Time: October 24, 2007, 2:06 pm
“….I’ll be at home, alone, watching Iron Warrior, Archer, and Hawk — AGAIN!…”
I can guarantee you’ll be having more fun than *I* will. (A crap movie AND my taxes - what a weekend!)
Comment from John Doe
Time: October 24, 2007, 5:00 pm
Sexy bee costumes??? Must be a bee-masters thing. Yes Ken, we the faithful readers of Jabootu revel in your agony because you express it so well. I did think though that referring to us as “losers” was a trifle bitter.
Comment from lyzard
Time: October 24, 2007, 5:01 pm
Pot, meet kettle.
Comment from Ken Begg
Time: October 24, 2007, 5:33 pm
“I did think though that referring to us as “losers” was a trifle bitter.”
For the record, I was also actually envying the dead.
Comment from Thomas Meade
Time: October 24, 2007, 9:24 pm
It was a good review of a bad movie. Although I always read the reviews and think “This film surely can’t be as bad as they claim it is - I must go and see it”. And several hours and a few dollars later I’ve seen Johnny Mnemonic again and realised why I’d forgotten it.
Which is a long way of blaming you for inadvertently causing me to be reminded that my taxes are due.
Comment from Braineater
Time: October 23, 2007, 7:51 am
Wow, Patrick Magee. Samuel Beckett wrote “Krapp’s Last Tape” for Magee. Judging from your review, that title was probably the first and only time Beckett was overly optimistic.